I don’t know if I’m alone in this, I imagine I’m not and it’s only that people don’t tend to talk about it, but I distinctly feel different energies from the world around me in different situations and locations. This is a large part of what has drawn me to a pagan path. Some of these energies charge me up and others drain me. These energies I feel are especially noticeable to me when I’m around the ones that charge me up and make me feel more alive. Often times I don’t pay as much attention as I should to the energies that drain me.
This is always a topic on my mind in the fall and early winter. It’s a time of year of change, of crisp air, of storms, of vibrant colors of the fall leaves, of holidays and celebration. Early spring can be the same way for me. Being outside in such weather always charges me up. Leaves me feeling motivated and in tune with myself and the world around me.
The more time I spend outside, the more I benefit from this feeling. It’s one of the reasons living in New England is such a double edged sword for me. On one hand, we have 4 very distinct seasons and brilliant fall colors. The seasons I mentioned above are pronounced and the intensity of that can charge me up like the Energizer bunny. And yet, for much of the year, the weather is too lousy for me to want to be outside: the stifling humidity in the summer, the bitter freezing cold in the depths of winter, and OMG the mosquitoes!! I never notice quite how much my lack of time spent outside due to poor weather affects me until I get a string of weather that draws me outside again. I suddenly realize what a fog I’ve been in and the clarity and lightness I feel comes in clear contrast.
This past year in particular, especially the last couple of months, I have been especially limited in my time spent outside. It has been a hard and busy year. New baby. IEP fights. Demanding job. Mental health struggles (mine and husband’s). Husband switching to a second shift job. As such, I’m stuck working all day and then stuck with the sole responsibility of dealing with the kids in the evening which keeps me inside much of the time. The weekends are spent scrambling to catch up on things that didn’t get done during the week rather than outside.
Until this fall hit, I hadn’t quite noticed how drained I’ve been in the slog of things. Fall always hits me like a refreshing splash of cool water to wake me up. I’ve been making a focused effort to pause and enjoy the weather each day on my way to pick the kids up from MIL’s house after work. I’ve noticed a difference.
Even beyond the general energy I get from the weather or season we’re experiencing, there have always been some places where the energy of the place stands out to me more than others. Sometimes it’s an outdoor place such as a specific spot along a stream (or once sitting on a large rock in the middle of a stream). But sometimes it’s an indoor place feeling the history of a place around you and the impact of its architecture. Some places I can never feel comfortable in, but other places can instantly feel like home simply based on their energies.
One thing I hadn’t noticed much before because I rarely have time to specifically sit down and practice my religion in any sort of focused way with rituals, spells, and the like is just how strong of an energy I feel emanating from my tools and my practice.
I recently got a desk to put in our bedroom so that I have some place to work that’s away from the kids during the day while my husband is home. I fully intended it to serve dual purpose as a place to organize my ritual and spell stuff as well, but hadn’t gotten around to it yet despite having the desk for a while. I have intended to, but never found the time because until recently, the baby was still sleeping in our room.
Today I go up to work at the desk for the first time in several weeks. I saw the incense holder I had placed on the desk (one of the only pagany things I had put there yet) and decided to light some incense. I realized that my lighter was in the hope chest with the rest of my pagan stuff. As I open the hope chest to get it out, I was hit with a strong energy filled with power and focus that surprised me. A sense that I had been missing and didn’t realize that my faith was one place I could pull that energy from (I have never been a super strong practitioner).
It’s an energy I’ve been in desperate need of, so I decided to take a moment and do a quick, rough set up a mini altar at my desk in addition to lighting the incense. Nothing crazy, just some basics. But I swear, I have been more focused and on task with work today, which is something I have really struggled with lately, than I have in in the past year. As I sit here, I can feel the energy pouring off the items I set up and wrapping me in this calm, focused, and empowered feeling.
Here it is, the beginnings of my first more permanent altar. It’s far from done, but it’s there and it’s mine. I wish I had done this ages ago.
This feeling also reminds me that I really should be putting more energy into becoming a practicing pagan on a regular basis. I have never made my religion a priority, and as such, since it’s not a religion I grew up with and don’t have any other fellow practitioners who I share my beliefs with, I often let this part of myself slide.
I know it’s cheesy as hell, but I want to be that witch who incorporates it into my daily life. Life goals would be to live life with everyday spells and little magick woven throughout my day celebrating every holiday on the turn of the wheel and the full moons…incorporating all of this into my family’s daily life as normal and pervasively as many Christian families do. But that’s hard as someone who’s still forging her own path and traditions and still learning the craft myself.
But that’s a subject for another post.
For today, I am just feeling the energy washing over me from this season and from the starts of my new altar set up, soaking it up, and thankful for it all. This is the stuff of everyday magick, simply being aware of and harnessing the energies around you.